Overrated Independence

In these tough economic times, people are looking for new ways to cut costs and save a little more of their paychecks. Some are finding the answer very close to home. Adults are moving in with their parents to save money on home mortgages, rent, bills and other expenses. It is not just recent graduates who are sticking close to home; even those in their 30s and 40s are turning to their parents to help solve their financial problems. An article in the L.A. Times by Jeff Spurrier tells of a man who moved his family in with his mother to help her pay her mortgage. In an ironic twist, the man’s wife lost her job and now he owes money to his mother. 

According to reports published by libaryindex.com, “the most noticeable long-term trend among American families has been the decline in the traditional family.” The traditional family is typically a family that includes a married couple with children. The infamous idea of living the American Dream involves a typical family: two kids, a dog, and a house in suburbia with a white picket fence. With the rise in the number of divorces and single parents, the definition of a typical family has changed gradually over the years. 

One possible reason for this transformation in family structure could be the change in attitude towards divorce. After World War II, soldiers rushed to their homes and into marriages; then, they went their separate ways. According to statistics, the divorce rate in America after the first marriage is 41-50%, 60-67% after the second marriage and 73-74% after the third. These increasing rates have introduced new kinds of family dynamics such as single parents, same-sex marriages, step-parents, adopted children parents, and cohabitating adults. According to the 2000 census, only 56% of men and 43% of women, between the age of eighteen and twenty four preferred to live at home with one or both of the parents. In this age group, a significant proportion preferred to move out and live with roommates.  

Maybe because the United States is such a large country, or possibly because kids like the idea of experiencing something new and discovering a new place, many high school graduates apply to colleges that are out of state. Out of state means living in a new place without parental controls. Independence and freedom mean a lot to young adults, especially the first taste of it. At this point, everything is new: not having a curfew, not having to answer to parents, being free. From personal experience, going to college while living with your parents invites pathetic looks from others. 

Family is the basis of Nepali culture. The Nepali family is a social unit. Parents are part of their children’s lives, and their parents are part of theirs. Nepalis tend to have a strong connection with other members of their family. In most cases, one household spans generations. Life in Nepal is similar to the various stages of a cycle. First, the parents take care of their children. When the children grow up, they, in return, take care of the parents. Because of a close family bond, grandparents look after the grandkids while the parents are at work. That alone saves a couple thousands by eliminating childcare and babysitting services. Furthermore, living with grandparents also removes retirement home and nursing home costs. Combined, it adds up to a big saving and also priceless family bonding. Imagine the kind of wisdom grandparents can impart to the growing children and the sense of security in knowing that your kids are in trusted hands.

In Nepal, the idea of independence, freedom and success is different. To a Nepali, independence, freedom and success means being able to stand on their own two feet. It means having the ability to support their parents and grandparents. Freedom, independence, and success do not take the place of family. Success can fade tomorrow along with the sense of freedom brought on by the success. Then the independence becomes meaningless when the person can no longer afford to pay the rent or the bills. Is it fair to crave freedom from parents during fair weather and closeness during hardship? To an outsider, life in Nepal must seem like that of the Dark Ages, but even progressive nations can learn from Nepal. 

Nepal has changed immensely in the last 10 years. We are caught between modernization and tradition. It is always important to remember that just because something is modern does not mean it is better.