Op-Ed: The Primacy of Sex

Agreed. Society has given way too much attention (the lack of) to sex. SEX is SEX - get over it people. Sex was here before societies or even human existed. It not the people in the film that need to be shameful but the society that treats sex (the foundation of our existence) as a taboo. Tip of my hat for the guts that she has shown to stand up!

On the same note, Sex is also the foundation of the healthy marriage. How is it wise to be a virgin when you are married? That we will have to save for another day.

On the issue of why women are sluts and men are studs, I also have a theory on...hahahahah! Women can get laid with anyone they want, and men are bokas. Women have the upper hand when it comes to picking sex partners. It is the men that chase the women. Thus men have to work for the sex...thus they are rewarded as studs. For women, it is much easier to get "laid'...thus if they sleep around they are sluts. It's all fair.

so by your definition, rape would be like picking a lock, eh?

Dear some guy - men and women are human beings first with similar needs, and can't just be compared to master keys and bad locks!! Both genders need to eat, sleep and have sex. What a typically Nepali male sexist attitude, just what the above article is trying to say about our repressed society .

Sex is the normal human behaviour and an essential requirement of a youth body. Every youth has a fundamental right to enjoy sex. In this MMS case too, namrata hadn't done any mistake by fulfilling her sexual desires. But, the question might arise whom to have with?? An educated person like her cannot commit such a great mistake......I think Dj tantrik and namrata, both r equally responsible for this. U can not neglect namrata's mistake by comparing the marital status and the age factor with Dj tantrik. What we should not forget is both were educated ppl......

On the other hand, Namrata, being a well known celebrity of nepal has certain responsibilities towards the development of the country. many fans are following her steps. But, this mms has made many of us to think twice before choosing the glamour field........

her scandal in one way or the other, shows and signifies the present situation of the Nepal’s glamour world………ppl have tagged it as a high profile prostitution….there r many who claim that they are the model of destruction of the norms and values of nepalese culture and society…..

Namrata is just one of the stick of this ladder..there r many which are yet to come………It reminds me of shrisha karki..who hanged herself when such kind of nude picture was out in the market…..at least she had shame….but this girl….has no shame….at all!! she should start acting in nepalese porn movies…….if she dare to do that she will certainly gain some respects and boldness otherwise she will be having just a curse in her hand…….

am also amazed how her parents and family members must be thinking about her?? modeling sansaar ko, parivaar ko ani nepali cheli….sabai ko ekai choti naak kaateko chha yesto chiz le……….

Being an educated girl, she should be well aware of this fact that she can't go on having sex with the one who is already married (although its her private matter whom to chose to have sex with).

Namrataji le gareko galti le uhana laai ta asar paarchha nai , ..........yesle ta unhaako family, tole samaaj laai pani asar paarchha (it has also touched us being part of same nepalese society). Ppl talk much about Glamour field, modeling field, acting field.............Nepali glamour field maa laagekaa haru raamraa hudainan.....tyahan raamro gatibidhi hudaina bhanera........jhan namrata ji ko yesto galtile garda ta Nepali glamour field laai nai naraamro dhakka laagchha ni.....hoina ra babitaji??? yesle nepali cheli ko pan naak kateko chha.......

Yeti maatrai hoina, yesle ta ahile ko generation ko nepali youth haru jo western culture maa aafu laai dhaalna maa khappis chhan..........tini haruko baare maa pani ek palta gahiro sanga sochna parne bela aayeko jastosanket garchha.........

Also, that video clearly suggests that the relation between those two ppl were not a forced sex..........it had happened with their mutual agreement.

Prakash Ojha ko sex scandal laai samjhera bhaye pani yesto activity laai unhaale recording garna dinu hunna thyo...........unhaale ta aafno khutta maa aafai le bancharo haannu bhako chha.(educated maanchhe le jaani jaani galti garnu bhaneko murkhata baahek arukehi hoina)

Her activity has challenged the nepalese society and its norms and values. haami le gareko harek gatibidhi le samaaj maa direct asar pari nai raheko hunchha bhane .....unhaale gaeko kriyakalaap le pani haamro samaaj laai dhakka diyekai chha........yesle nepali naya pidhi laai yesta kriyakalaap maa laagna motivate pani garna sakchha........kinabhane Dekhasiki garnu bhaneko ta nepali haruko puraano rog nai ho jas baata haami koi pani achhuto chhainam......

sex laai nepali samaaj le married couples ko bich maa huna laai maatra swikrity diyeko chha ani tyesto prakar ko relation laai Dharma ko roop maa pani maaneko chha....tara parapurush sanga raakhine shaaririk sambandha laai nepali samaaj le barjit garkeo chha ra yo kura apaachya pani chha.............ra yeslaai paap ko roop maa liyeko chha.

Namrataji le gareko yesto gatibidhile tapaain haami laai kunai na kunai roop maa naraamro sanga hirkaayekai chha. tyesaile haami le pani samaaj ko pratinidhi ko roop maa kehi na kehi jawaaf ta farkaaunai parchha........unhaale gareko yesto gatibidhi maathi aulaa uthaaunu saknu parchha.........Nepali sanskriti laai bachaai raakhna pani haamile bolnu jaruri chha............

I can remember prakash ojha's scandal, he was sent to jail for few months too.......but, Jyoti khadka and several others who were induldged in such sexual activities wereset free.......were they not the culpirates??? they all were equally responsible for such scandal to happen........again, when u talked about Mr. Tantrik.............that he should be severely punished........u did not talk about Namrataji..............why is that?? is it because u r also a girl?? If u can come out of ur girlish character then u will cleraly see that she is equally responsible for such activity to happen......

Namrataji laai usko bf le excuse diyeko hola.....tara haami samaaj ma basne haruko chahin kunai bhumika nai chhaina ta yo case maa?? unhaale ta patrakaar sammelan garera nepali haru majha maafi maagnu parchha.......kinabhane unhaale haamro samaj le banayeko kaanoon laai todnu bhako chha ........yesko khilli udaaunu bhako chha........so, we have every right to punish her..........haamro samaaj le unhaalaai saamaajik roop maa bahishkaar garne samma ko hak raakchha.........

So.........to demoralize such activity to happen again in future, hamile khabardari garnai parchha....yo haamro daaiyto pani ho........

great article Pranaya. your article says exactly what i had in my mind. at least there are people who applaud her for not apologizing for what she did. the way has handled the situation is amazing. the fact that her sex video leaked shouldn't change ours judgment about her professional work. i think she is the most prettiest face to come across in Nepali media in recent times and i loved her in both the movies she has worked on. and i m looking forward to watch her in other movies too. Namrata shouldn't worry cos she still has people who love her work.

So Mr Author, you are proud of what Namrata and Dammaru did. I wonder how proud Namrata's parents and the Dj's family and wife are. Mr. Angreji babu with your angreji education, it is easy for you to order every to move on; I wonder how easy it is going to be for those that are affected most, i.e. themselves and their families, to move on. Before preaching to us lowly, never been to the West Nepalis on the virtues of Western ways of thinking and sexual practices, you may want to head back to Nepal and reacquaint yourself with the ground reality for the majority of the Nepalis.

So Mr Author, looks like I hit a sensitive spot, eh? Hence the rambling reply? You need to learn how to write and express your thoughts more logically - till then you may want to take a hiatus from writing on subjects that you have zero knowledge of. I would suggest taking some classes in the Asian Studies dept on Nepali culture (if that is available, if not it is available at Tribhuvan University, you know).
Till then keep being proud. Maybe next time your family is in a similar spot - you can be even more proud!
Yours Sincerely,
An old fashion Nepali with little knowledge of wanna be western Nepali babus.

Pauva ji, I find it very strange that you are viewing sex in terms of pride. I don't see any reason why Namrata's parents or the DJ's wife ought to be proud or not proud for what has happened. "Till then you may want to take a hiatus from writing on subjects that you have zero knowledge of." I find it equally strange, and somewhat even funny, that a) you've taken for granted that the author has zero knowledge on the subject of sex and b) that only people with knowledge and expertise - and that too acquired in classrooms or through text books - have the authority to comment or critique existing social values. Let me reiterate this, you're making it seem like academic knowledge is a pre-requisite for talking about sex? Without trying to poke your sensitive spot, I would like to remind you that all kinds of people have sex, including those that have not taken courses on culture and tradition. And if anybody wants to talk about it, then they have every right to. While you seem somewhat delighted at having "hit" the author's sensitive spot, it seems to me like it is the author that has hit yours and that is what is causing you to react.

To club western mentality under a single attitude towards sexuality, and to believe that the author's perspective is a product of this western mentality seems a little unfair. I believe that the author has a mind of his own, and isn't merely a brainwahsed product of western education. It also seems inappropriate to view sexual morality in terms of black and white. Individuals respond differently to the same incident, and their views vary across a wide spectrum of opinions. To say you do not agree to what the author says is one thing, but to try to say his perspective isn't valid at all is quite something else. Your argument falters because you are unable to respond with logic, sensitivity and maturity to the main topic at hand. In your latest response, you are digressing Pauva ji. Nowhere in this latest comment is there a solid and convincing stance on why you oppose the author's stand, only an attack on his supposed western heritage. Perhaps you are taking too much for granted? And let me tell you, for a third impartial person reading your comments, it is not helping your cause.

As far as sex is concerned, if you are willing to listen to and accept the perspective of someone who was born and brought up entirely in the east, I urge you to not divide opinions on sex into traditional and western thought. Where does that put individuals like me? A lot of people with "traditional" beliefs are not afraid of engaging in sex, but more so in talking about it. Let's create a discourse around this. Let's debate, does sex deserve to be talked about publicly? Does sexual freedom, or even "loose morals" compromise societal norms or empower individuals? Do parents deserve to wear their children's chastity as a badge? Is being sexually active a painful thing to accept by the family? Does society need to change according to changing perceptions on sex? Should young people be having sex before marriage at all? Are individuals allowed to have their own opinion on sex, adultery? These are crucial questions to raise, but let's raise them with scope for discussion, arguments, debate and discourse. Let's not hit dead ends with each passing response.

I hope in your next response, you will provide a more coherent and convincing argument so that for those of us who believe otherwise, at least opposing your stance will be some sort of a challenge.

Thank you.

dear mr prajapati, you seem to have made assumptions about me based on nothing at all. i'm a wanna-be westerner? i don't think you know what you're talking about. does it make me a westerner for having progressive views and discussing taboo issues? if you just want to insult me and make vague incendiary remarks rather than the discuss the actual issue, i'm not going to debate with you. i'm not about to engage in a name-calling match over the internet. this is not youtube. so unless you have something actually substantial to say, i'm not going to debase myself arguing with you.

I am with the author here. And, even if Mr. Prajapati goes on to remark rudely about the author (Have you yourself lost the ability to reply, Mr. Prajapati?) the author did not accept his challenge to a fisticuffs.

If Mr. Prajapati can't handle progressive thinking, he'd rather not say anything at all, rather than insulting our intelligence.

Looza, you mention 'progressive thinking'. Because Pauva does not agree with the author he is not progressive. But because you agree with the author, you are progressive. What a progressive and intelligent thought! - and self-righteous too.

Enlighten us with your definition of progressive thinking.

'When you see men of contrary character, you should turn inwards and examine yourselves.'

Ummm... I think we all are getting too much drawn into this, calling each other names and questioning our intelligence level. In this fisticuffs, have we really forgotten what we were debating about?

I gather that some of us might not like the way things are going in our society; not all of us should like it. And, if we are not concerned about how we are going to control it (I will not say stop, because it is impossible) and not cry over spilled milk.

If my fellow commenters still want to call me names, question what I believe in and try to win through an argument with YCL logic, then gentlemen the floor is yours.

Dear Editor,I greatly appreciate your allowing me to vent. Will your magazine be doing an article on the current state of caste relations in Nepal and the strangle hold of all seats of power by one caste? - now that will get me venting for sure.

Dear Subash, Thanks for the well-thought out and really very sensible comment. I understand what you're saying and agree with you completely. I do not think that making sex tapes is a step in the progressive direction. What I was trying to point out in this article, and the reason I was commending Namrata, was actually bringing this issue to light. That this is a reality that most people do not want to think about. Sex is still such a taboo issue in Nepal. Sure, this isn't the right way, but since its already happened, to make the best of a bad situation, you use it to talk about issues that need discussion. It is not acceptable to make a sex tape but it is not grounds for ostracisation either. People have affairs and when they become public, it is painful for everyone involved, but there is a reason why there aren't laws against adultery. It is a choice and a choice that everyone, man or woman, has the right to make.

It is not my intention to point to the West as some sort of hippie utopia where sex and love is public and free of judgment and discrimination. But it is not so. The West is repressive in other ways, in stereotyping, in relegating women to materialism and objectification, in creating standards of beauty and affluence that unattainable for the normal person. At home in Nepal, we'd like to ignore the sex issue: the rising HIV/AIDS population, the numerous cases of rape and abuse, domestic abuse, how young models/actors are often taken advantage of by casting agents and those in the industry.

I didn't know where to post this but this most commented piece seemed perfect. These are my comments on your partner SATTYA.

"What future lies in our silence" -- sadly, Sattya does not represent the women or the people it claims it represents (as depicted in the site), so please save the word '’our’ and the picture.

Sattya ought to show some decency when it comes to depiction. It has to at first learn to represent itself before it sets off to represent the people and that would be the elite privilege few who can come online (have internet access) and vent (and thus orgasm) in the aristocratic premises of Baber Mahal.

I feel pity for Sattya, its sister site VENT and its network of wannabe new age activists who lack concrete vision if not understanding of the country, its culture (forget pop culture) and the people.

I also some times laugh at your collective belief that your cohorts promote of representing the whole of Nepal and claiming that the future lies in your benign proclamation.

Your limited signature campaigns, limited publications online and workshops ain’t worth a dime when a huge chunk of people in this country have the next meal to worry about (forget internet access). You could label this argument weak but well, the scene is such contrary to breeding orgasms by venting on corporate food culture.

So, wake up Sattya and the associated folks -- Kathmandu is not Nepal and Baber Mahal with a bunch of you is not the national chautari. Grow, and first, grow up yourselves and stop, like all other groups, to further manufacture myths.

Realize that youth is a forced identity in this country. Realize also that your limited circle does not even surpass the capital’s boundaries beyond the high-raise apartments and housings.

Groups like Sattya should confess the elite background they belong to and continue what they do or shut up with the nonsense of representing Nepal and the youth.

Don’t be a ‘fast-food’ group and with Sattya, VENT has hinted its corporate like structure soon to be unleashed. Happy Activism Business, guys. I am sure there’s money – a lot to keep the fast-food going.