The One and Only Secret of Success

Most of us strive to get that higher degree, that promotion or that new job because we believe that it would make us successful, that it would change our lives. Only if I had an MBA or only if I had more money, we say. Little do we realize that the secret of success is something right in front of us; all around us. No, it’s not God (maybe for some it is) nor is it an iPhone or a new car. The answer is:

People.

They’re on the roads, sidewalks, in the alleys, on balconies, even outside your room, on the way to your house, at your work and even in the remotest areas. You cannot escape them. We live in a world surrounded by them, whether we like it or not.

So it isn’t surprising that the secret of success is really about knowing how to deal with people, according to Dale Carnegie’s classic hit, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Whether you’re a business owner, a hairdresser, an accountant, graphic designer or a housekeeper, it really doesn’t matter. Unless you master the art of human relations, you’re bound to go nowhere. Or, rather some with a lot of money might go somewhere even without these skills but they would make others and themselves miserable while they're at it. 

Originally written in 1937, its messages are still relevant today. When I was in 7th grade, I remember finding this book in my dad’s dusty bookshelf and reading every page of it in awe. I still feel that way when I read it today. This proves that although a lot has changed since 1937, human nature still remains the same. According to a research by the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching, “even in such technical lines as engineering, about 15 percent of one's financial success is due to ones technical knowledge and about 85 percent is due to skill in human engineering—to personality and ability to lead people". Eighty five percent…now that’s a lot!

What makes the book so invaluable is that it’s based on real life experiences and proven guidelines that have changed the lives of millions all over the world, and it wasn’t written in a few months or even a few years. In his heydays, Carnegie, who was a communications skills guru, used to teach education and public speaking classes, and realized that what his students needed the most was the “fine art of getting along with people in everyday business and social contacts.” He admits that he “sorely” needed this training also and went on a mission to research, interview and survey thousands of adults, including some world-renowned figures like former U.S. president, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and explorers like Martin Johnson. He read the life stories of great leaders like Julius Caesar and Thomas Edison. After compiling all these materials, he then gave a short talk on this subject, which grew into a longer seminar with a set of rules printed on a card, then a leaflet, then a series of booklets and after 15 years of experiment and research, emerged this book.

Now, that’s a handful!

To top it off, the book is stuffed with guidelines and suggestions that readers can refer to as many times as they need. Carnegie speaks directly to the readers with his friendly, down-to-earth style of writing. He even manages to summarize the points at the end of each chapter with a page called, In a Nutshell. This is definitely a must read for anyone who wants to learn how to deal with people, even difficult people, regardless of whether you meet them at work, play or at home.

Here are some excerpts from the book:

Part 2: Six Ways to Make People Like You

Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people.

Alfred Adler, the Viennese psychologist, wrote a book entitled, What Life Should Mean to You. In that book, he says: It is the individual who is not interested in his fellowmen who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.

Principle 2: Smile.

Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.” That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them. A baby’s smile has the same effect.

Principle 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing and nobody else. The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.

Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems that they are in you and your problems. A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.

Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Talking in terms of the other person’s interests pays off for both parties. Howard Z. Herzig, a leader in the field of employee communications, has always followed this principle. When asked what reward he got from it, Mr. Herzig responded that he not only received a different reward from each person but that in general the reward had been an enlargement of his life each time he spoke to someone.

Principle 6: Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

Philosophers have been speculating on the rules of human relationships for thousands of years, and out of that speculation, there has evolved only one important precept. It is not new. It is as old as history. Zoroaster taught it to his followers in Persia 2,500 years ago. Confucius preached it in China twenty four centuries ago. Lao-tse, the rounder of Taoism, taught it to his disciples in the Valley of the Han. Buddha preached it on the bank of the Holy Ganges 500 years before Christ. The sacred books of Hinduism taught it a thousand of years before that. Jesus taught it among the stony hills of Judea nineteen centuries ago. Jesus summed it up in one thought—probably the most important rule in the world: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”