Issue 4
Issue 4
5 September, 2010
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Dear Bad Breath,
First of all, have you ever kissed your boyfriend? You say that your boyfriend “always wants to kiss” you so do you mean that you are not letting him or avoiding it because you feel that you have bad breath? There could be two things going on. First, maybe you are overly conscious of your breath and only think that you have bad breath when you actually don’t. Second, maybe you do have bad breath. Whatever the case, the fact is that your boyfriend always wants to kiss you so that’s a great sign. There could be variety of culprits that could cause bad breath: bad hygience for one. Brush your teeth twice daily, after your morning meal and before going to bed with fluoridated toothpaste (check the labeling) and floss regularly as well. Also, clean your tongue by using your toothbrush or buying a tongue scraper. I would also suggest you get your teeth cleaned by a professional (dentist or dental hygienist) and make sure you check the certificates showing the qualification and registration at Nepal Medical Council. Another common culprit that is often overlooked is diet. Avoid foods that cause bad breath like garlic, onion, cheese and coffee or if you do have them, brush vigorously. If you are on a carbohydrate restricting diet (high-protein diet), you might develop something called a "ketone-breath." On these kind of diets, your body is forced to break down fats instead of carbohydrates, creating keones, which smell bad and therefore causing bad breath. Anorexia is a major reason for bad breath that is not cured by better hygiene practices. Address the root problem of anorexia and any type of eating disorder by making an appointment with a professional. Also, bad breath that persists could be an indication of a medical problem so consult your doctor.
bad breath , hygiene , insecurity , kissing , make out
Dear Enthusiastic Learner,
There are definitely endless reference materials out there on sex. You could make your partner hit the book stores (people are not as judgmental about boys picking up sexual materials) or you could go online and check out various websites. I recommend www.sexetc.org. Here you can find loads of information about sex, intimacy, performance, sexually transmitted disease (STD), birth control, contraceptives, etc. What do you exactly mean by “get(ting) it right?” Are you holding high expectations of yourselves in terms of performance? Keep in mind that most magazines for men, women and teens are there to sell the magazines and their advice about relationships may not be true indicators of what is right for you. Don’t compare yourselves to others or what you think “should” be. Pornography isn't the best place to get information either as it has actors in it that are paid to do what they do. What is most important is that both of you enjoy the process of exploring sexual intimacy and communicate your likes and dislikes, and experiment and then experiment some more. Besides, the best way to learn anything is by making mistakes, learning from them and you will find what is best for the both of you.
Dear Worried about Wife,
First of all, keep in mind that porn is not reflective of what can be considered normal. So do not judge your wife’s performance based on what you have watched in some porn flick. It is true, though, that women do make noises during sex, but it depends on these factors: 1) level of comfort she has with you, 2) level of comfort she has with her own body (especially sexual image) and 3) if she is actually enjoying it. As you know, Nepali culture does not encourage women to embrace their sexuality or to even think about it. So, keep in mind that this may be one reason why she may not be able to share her sexual feelings. You say that she is always ready for sex so it seems that she definitely enjoys being intimate with you. But, again, keep in mind that Nepali culture does not encourage saying “no” so if you feel that she is not in the mood, it might be a good idea to not pressurize her. This will only make her feel like she cannot communicate her feelings to you. One thing to keep in mind is that men and women orgasm differently. While sex for a man usually always culminates into an orgasm, for women, orgasm can occur in two different ways: g-spot stimulation and clitoral stimulation. The g-spot orgasm is harder to achieve but if you gently stimulate her clitoris her orgasm is usually guaranteed. Also, focus on the foreplay by trying to engage her entire body in the sexual act. The best way to physically make sure she has reached orgasm is to give her oral sex and to finger her inside while she orgasms so you can feel her pulsating as she orgasms. She may take a bit longer to orgasm if she is shy or inexperienced, so take your time. Communication is the key to any happy marriage and that goes for sex as well. Ask her what she enjoys; share your desires and fantasies and maybe in the beginning she will be shy but in time, she may feel more comfortable opening up her feelings. Emotional intimacy is a huge turn on for women and the more relaxed she is, the more likely she will have an orgasm.
Dear Happily Married Guy,
As there are many sizes of breasts, there are many kinds of men. Some prefer smaller breasts and others prefer larger breasts. Why are you bothered about your attraction to large breasted women and why do you think it’s necessary to find a “solution” for your “strong sexual feelings?” Sex is a biological need and it does not mean that once you are married, you will only have “strong sexual feelings" for your wife. It is great that you enjoy sex with your wife and your attraction to larger breasted women has not influenced that in any way, or has it? As long as you don’t act upon those feelings, you are in the clear. Perhaps, accepting the fact that you are attracted to larger breasted women but married to a small breasted woman is your “solution” but this doesn’t mean that you will stop having “strong sexual feelings” for large breasted women. But here’s something to look forward to: once women have babies their breast tissues grow and their breasts become larger. Nevertheless, you say you are happily married and isn’t that what counts the most?
Dear Not Into Oral Sex,
First of all, I think it is really great that you are thoughtful about your partner’s feelings and don’t want to hurt her. It is also good that you are thinking not just about your own pleasures, but hers as well. Perhaps the first thing you need to figure out is what part of going down on her you don’t like. If it is the taste, then I would suggest that you use flavored lube or other edibles as part of your sexual play. Just make sure both of you clean up well before and after to avoid any infections. Why do you feel that going down on a woman is “not a manly thing to do”? Let’s put it this way, if a woman goes down on a man, is it not a womanly thing to do? Do your male friends make you feel “unmanly” when you talk about going down on your woman? Giving each other oral sex is a give and take, and the more the man is willing to go down on a woman, the more it shows to the woman that he cares about her pleasure too. For most women, it’s a turn on and they don’t view their men as “feminine” or “not manly enough.” If you cannot shake this attitude about oral sex, perhaps the first step is to change your attitude about it, and then you may start enjoying the pleasurable reaction of your partner when you are going down on her and this, in turn, will encourage you to give more. In time, you may not feel “unmanly” while doing the act.
Dear Worried,
It does look like you have a problem that needs to be addressed immediately by a professional. Your body seems to be going through some hormonal changes. Women are also very prone to urinary tract infection (UTI), more so during their periods. I know that it can be intimidating to do so, but it is important that you make an appointment with a gynaecologist as soon as possible.
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